Chai TEA ChickPEAS and Indians

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Bargaining FAIL!

Too busy looking in the mirror to realise he is about to be jacked

Lorimer has suffered his most humiliating defeat on the bargaining circuit when he walked in for a 50 rupee (less than $1) shave and walked away with a 500 rupee (almost $10) massage. Lorimer was thrown into confusion as the beard removal process was finished off with a face massage which slowly migrated to the neck, then shoulders, and, before he knew it, Lorimer's shirt was off he was receiving a back massage. Lorimer was too late in realising he had been fleeced and throughout the back massage was contemplating his upper limit for these extra services. 500 Rupees.

Lorimer and his underrated opponent.

The massage ended and the price of 950 Rupees was quoted. Lorimer got mad and refused to pay this much for what he was tricked into thinking were 'complimentary' extras. The hairdresser had already clearly won the contest, but, was still determined to boost his percentage.

Lorimer hoped to put some respectability on the scoreboard in the last quarter and managed to 'trim' the deficit to 500 before the siren sounded. Lorimer walked away from the stadium, 'cut', dejected and beardless.


Bad Lassi!!

Not even the Kangelaris tactic, which was successfully employed in Kathmandu (i.e, rotating to drink over the handle of dirty mugs, as this is the cleanest part) could save Lorimer from getting sick.

The culprit? A bad Lassi.
(Note: Lassi is a fruity fermented drink, not a naughty dog).

The consequences were immediate and severe. So severe in fact that media refused to visually cover the event. The press did report Lorimer was laid out for a week, taking antibiotics and recovering in bed.

Eating here would just be asking for food poisoning right?

The Epic Border Crossing

Despite his horrible condition, Lorimer was forced to make the famous ABC trek, (Andrew's Border Crossing) not to be confused with the less well known trek to Annapurnna Base Camp!

His Visa was due to expire.

The trip began bright and early with a good dose of Imodium for breakfast. Next came the 10 hour ride through the mountains on a 'tourist' bus. Take note, even when you buy a ticket for a 'tourist' bus this does not guarantee you wont spend a few hours sitting in the isle, or that it wont be jam packed with locals, their kids and their shopping! This type of bus ride is hard to enjoy at the best of times, much less when you are drained of energy and feel like someone is karate kicking you in the stomach the whole way.

The bus journey was followed by a short ride to the border, holding onto the back of a jeep. This frustrated the nearby seagulls who had flocked to our bus to offer a "cheap ride". Not only were they offering 'cheap rides' but according to them, they were the only form of transport servicing the area. Apparently not, and off we drove, taking the "jeepest" ride of the lot.

The descent from the mountains had increased the temperature making it very unpleasant as Lorimer wandered the border getting documents signed and passports stamped.

One final leg of the trip remained. The two hour trip to Gorahkpur.

Having developed a habit of saying 'No' to all taxi drivers before even hearing their 'cheap' price. Lorimer dismissed the one nearest him, quoting 100 Rupees. After declining, Lorimer started considering how cheap this was, knowing the cost of a local bus was 70. In his awful state and not wanting to be crammed on another bus Lorimer thought about accepting the offer but then the taxi drivers friend trumped him with a jeep offer of 70 Rupees.

Lorimer was about to load his gear into the jeep when he was approached by the bus driver from Nepal who said. "No, no, this is not the place. The bus is back that way". Immediately, Lorimer turned and made his way to the real bus stop thankful for the timely intervention.

Alarm bells should have been raised when the taxi driver offered such a cheap fare. 100 Rupees is the standard quote given to foreigners for a five minute ride, not 2 hours. In fact, the fare quoted wouldn't have even covered the cost of the fuel to get there.

At this point I was too sick to care and just wanted to get to a hotel and collapse. Then began the bus ride.


A Mathematical Dillemma

A Guy jumped on the bus at the border selling water for 30 Indian Rupees. He claimed he could only give change in Nepalese currency, which is worth a bit less.

I didn't like this.

I realised I had few Nepalese notes with me and offered to pay with them instead. The price was then doubled to 60 since Nepalese Rupees aren't worth as much.

1 Indian Rupee = 1.5 Nepalese Rupees

I considered for a moment which was the best option, knowing either way I was getting ripped off.

Option 1) by getting change in a lesser currency.
Option 2) by the price being increased from 30IR to 60NR

With just moments to think and in my sickened state I went for Option 2...did I make the right decision? What would you have done?


I took a seat up front, right next to the engine which could be clearly seen and heard through the hole in the bus floor. This was the least of my worries...

Introducing the horn. As loud as a blast from a train and heard more often then Keisha on the radio. Kill me now.

I tried to see the funny side. I even started counting as the driver sought to break the Guinness Record for the worlds longest beep, clocking an amazing 12 seconds of unbroken beeping. Our approach to my destination was cruelly delayed by an oncoming train which stall us another 15 minutes. I lost it. Every time the horn sounded I hit the window next to me in frustration. I managed not to kill anyone before checking in to the first room I could find.

Requirements: Somewhere to rest in peace. Bed Bugs: Irrelevant



Education

The school system over here has been a bit of an education in itself.

Some things that stand out

Students only need a 36% or above to pass, which I found pretty alarming, until I saw their year 8 maths exam, which looked quite a bit harder than the ones I've handed out in Australia.

If you fail just one subject (below 36%) you have to repeat that year level

Two groups of Government school students with kids ranging from Class 7 -10, didn't understand the concept of equivalent fractions (i.e 1/2 = 2/4) Every student in a recent class independently found that adding 1/2 and 1/4 makes 2/6. An understandable mistake to be sure, but one I couldn't have imagined all the 9th grade students would get wrong.

The government schools over here are full of teachers who do not care for their students
and are just looking for the old paycheck, which is quite handsome indeed. Equivalent to 1o-12 times the average wage. Who said paying teachers more would solve the problems in Australia?

Creativity is a rarity here as most teachers stand in front of the blackboard with some chalk to take their lessons. I couldn't think of anything worse. Some of the government school teachers have dictated to them all the assessment they have to run during the year, including copies of the tests they must give. Wow I don't think I could handle having that imposed on me.

But as it is, there is nothing imposed on me and so I have been able to go into the school and do pretty much whatever I want...except...no, pretty much whatever I want. I could even hit kids if I was in the mood! Therefore, I invite any of my former students over here to study on exchange!!

It's awesome being able to teach. I just love schools. The kids here are so eager to learn that they are coming in even though they don't really have to. When school is on some of them wake up at 4am to get in 2hrs of study before heading to school, then, after school they work to support the family. Unlike lazy Australian (of whom I was one) kids who spend half the night on Facebook and then claim they didn't have time!!

A home we saw while visiting some students in their village

Apart from that Indian students are the same as kids in Australia. Beautiful, friendly, cheeky, fun loving and ready to cheat (or as I call it, think creatively) in their desire to win! I've busted a few guilty students already and told them that, 'cheating looks the same in any language',

It's been a blast stumbling my way through classes with my limited, and often incorrect, Hindi. It's such a blessing to have things communicated through translators, who without, I would be lost. The kids have had a lot of fun (or are good at pretending) and so have I, running sessions in Maths, English, Sport, Listening, Personal Development, Leadership and Time Management...

I found it quite hilarious that my hour long session on Time Management went for over 90 minutes!! A few days later another of my "hour" sessions went for over two!

I also got to run a workshop with the HOPE teaching staff and it was so encouraging to have a bunch of people that really want to learn. I hope I said at least something useful!! The staff have been awesome to work with, and I plan to get back here and help out again in December.

I love teaching.



Confusion is the only thing you'll find rains in India.

I don't get some things over here.

Like, why would you wear pants when the temperature soars above 40 every single day?

Or, why would you shake your head for 'yes' ...a habit I have now developed too! So, if nodding and shaking the head both equate to 'yes' that doesn't leave much scope for saying 'no'.

I have been confused many times in India when people have shaken their head at me to indicate 'yes'. They do this with a slight wobble of the head at the same time, and, to the untrained eye this simply looks like slanted nodding.

I asked communications expert Dr Amrutha Valli, "If both nodding and shaking your head indicates 'yes' then how do you say 'no'? Dr Valli responded by telling me, "Saying 'no' is an art form whereby the head is shaken parallel to the ground".

Now, this becomes pretty confusing when some inaccurate head shakers may be off by a few degrees...where does that leave me knowing that a non-parallel shake means 'yes'? Then there is the problem of how many degrees grace you give before you consider a head shake non-parallel, thus changing it from a 'no' to a 'yes'.

DRIVING: The driving over here is just crazy and I still haven't figured out the art of crossing the road in India. In Australia we wait for a gap...in India, there are no gaps! You just walk out in faith that the oncoming traffic will either dodge you or stop. If you tried this in Australia you'd just be run over.

Speaking of driving, there has been every type of animal imaginable on the roads. Elephants, camels, pigs, buffalo, dogs and cows...but even they don't follow the road rules.

It's a zebra crossing you idiot!

I recently got my third tattoo while over here. Don't worry mum, they aren't permanent! Over here they call it Mandi (spelled phonetically) in Australia we call it Heena. Anyway, I was told
after the first one had been completed that these are usually only for women who are attending weddings and that guys don't usually get them. It got me thinking...

Then why do you call it Mandi??

Fame

Ever wanted to experience a week of life as a Rockstar?
Want to know what it's like?

Arriving at the rural town of Pali, Andrew was almost immediately tracked down by journalists from the states two leading newspapers. At this point he hadn't done anything but run a really bad game of Frisbee. In fact, even after his week in Pali, Andrew hadn't done anything newsworthy!

But this was just the beginning.

Later that night Lorimer was seen in various homes where he was served Chai after Chai and was asked to pose for photos. Between homes he was mobbed by kids, desperate to shake hands, get an autograph or just be acknowledged with a simple 'hello'.

Lorimer and his adoring fans (most likely paid to pose)

Lorimer couldn't walk down a single street without someone staring or pointing at him. Early reports indicate the public fascination is over how this animal escaped from the Zoo! Our cameras also captured numerous footage of stunned onlookers, tapping their friends on the shoulder and motioning in Andrew's direction, as well as those staring out their doorway running back into their homes, only to reappear with others.

Lorimer's appearance in an more remote village did not go undetected either, and soon he was surrounded by over 30 curious kids just wanting to catch a glimpse of this lanky, curly haired white man.

Andrew's agents permitted him two interviews with the local news station who questioned him over the recent 'Indian attacks' in Australia. This question has been posed to him by many concerned Indians.

One in particular, who just didn't seem to get it

On the night he was questioned by this guy, Australia were midway through a T20 match with India in which they were dominating, scoring at over 10 runs per over with only a few wickets down.

Lorimer thought of bringing this up with the hassler. "Yeah sorry, I'd also like to apologize for the most recent incident in the West Indies. 11 Indians were targeted and murdered by a group of Australian's who are said to have killed these men without mercy. You might have heard of these 11 victims before... The Indian Cricket Team!".

Because of the communication barrier Lorimer declined to make these comments, instead, contemplating them for his upcoming TV interview scheduled for the next day. Surely then he would make the front page!

I am only at a Grade 1 reading level so I don't actually know what this article says

Australian troublemaker on Indian soil??

"I guess fame (to be recognized, noticed and admired) is something I've always wanted and will continue to want. It's a good thing I lost my hat on way back from the Annapurna circuit because it wouldn't fit anymore! Lets be honest, you do feel like a million bucks when people make such a big deal out of you, but it would get old pretty quick as just trying to walk down the street becomes a chore. Especially if you take the time to say 'hi' to all those who want to greet you.

It was nice to have had this experience but I realise how shallow fame is and how it wouldn't satisfy you in the long run. I'd rather be respected by a few people who really know me than countless thousands who like my music, my sporting achievements, or in my case the fact I look different!!



Inside charities

Over the last few weeks I've had the chance to review and edit grant proposals that HOPE are applying for. This has given me a better idea of how the funding process works and also the philosophy of 'sustainable and lasting impact' with which HOPE seek to run their programs. The whole 'give a man a fish' vs 'teach a man to fish' idea.



Anewsing Section


Hide and seek with the Rickshaw Drivers

I have been lucky enough to have locals buying things on my behalf over the past month, saving me a great deal of money and from getting the foreigner price. Recently I discovered that we can even save even more money on transport by hiding from the view of Rickshaw drivers while one of my local hosts settles the price. Then. Out I pop and in I hop! Suckers.


Girls bringing a new meaning to 'tagging'

I love the way Indian girls 'tag' their opponents during games. I write 'tag' because the only way to describe it is a massive slap on the back that looks a lot like a tennis serve. If you didn't know there was a game being played you would surely think the person being chased had done something wrong!

"But she didn't tag me". "Oh really...what's that big red mark on your back?"

White is Allllright

I find it very amusing that here in India people are spending their money to become whiter while in Australia we are doing the exact same thing to become darker. In laughing at them for thinking fair skin is beautiful I had to also laugh at myself for thinking the opposite. Our idea of beauty, it seems, is largely defined by our culture. I wonder how many other things we take for granted as 'true' are defined by our surroundings?

Get up to 2 tones fairer in just 7 days!

So now even I am 'beautiful' and my hair is 'nice' (a comment made to me after roughly 2 washes in a two month period) The comment made me think, "I better show them what 'nice' really is" and I have since, tripled my previous wash count.


More thoughts

People here are so much more content. Over the last couple of weeks I have interviewed quite a few students and when asked what they'd ask for if they just had one wish, they replied with things like 'to be a good person', to become a doctor, an engineer, or any other job they could support their family with. None of this more, more, more mentality that we have back home. The sad thing is, I can see this mentality creeping into India slowly through advertising and media until eventually this place becomes just as consumeristic as the West. I hope not.

I'd really love to come back here in December with some school kids from Australia to introduce them to life in a different part of the world. There is so much they could do over here and so much they could learn. I know how my own life has changed on account of travel and I'd love to see young people take the opportunity to do this as well.

I'll look into organizing a trip so if you are interested, I'm thinking of taking 4-6 people.


Weather

The temperature looks set to climb even further in the coming weeks with the onset of summer. The radar already shows temperatures consistently over 40C. This is devastating news for sportspeople as they witness the cancellation of any meaningful physical activity beyond 10:30am.


Stock Report

As predicted there has been a massive rise in Stock Numbers over the past month; in fact "RoadsIndia" has reported increases in Elephants, Camels, Pigs, Buffalo, Dogs and squirrels as well! "Crazy Drivers Association" continues to pay dividends for impatient investors, while company, "Helmetless Passenger" remains shrouded in secrecy, much to the dismay of the "Worried Mothers" research group.

"Moudly body parts" were experiencing many slow growths which have temporarily been stunted by some unexpected showers! This brings a glimmer of hope to those who haven't already pulled their money from companies such as "Hygeine" and "Studz use Soap&Sudz"

India's GDP (Gross Dripping Perspiration) has increased production, with employees working up quite a sweat. To alleviate growth in the GDP "Fans r Us" has expanded not only it's housing division but also in its celebrity spotters department.

"Weight" has stabilized after falling below 72 before recovering to 75. Consumer WatchDOGS continue to monitor for Bad Lassi's and warn of the devastating effects on potential investors. "Go Veg" has made a complete recovery, aided by the recent surge in "Indian Food".

I don't have any beefs about that sign. Do you?

Or India for that matter,
This place is great

Love Andrew