Everyone wants a big AF!

Something didn't add up. Andrew had called on the brightest minds in the world and the best they could do was get to the third last panel....

Wham bam, Mathematical scam!

Lorimer headed to the Island of Langkawi to investigate the state of Mathematics in Malaysia. He made the unfortunate mistake of drawing attention to himself by taking a 40 minute ride on the back of a motorbike with a pack that was almost as big as his host, Botak.


He found a quite place and infiltrated the home of some Math teachers.

The investigation began by giving the Math teachers the same problem he gave to his Year 7-9 students. A number hangman, which can be solved with logic and basic number facts.

After battling to explain the problem in very limited Malay, the universal language of Mathematics kicked in and Lorimer sat back to observe his subjects.

The results were shocking. The subjects stranded.

A clue was given to stimulate logical thinking but still...nothing. 'Even' and 'Odd' numbers were not talked of, the number 5 was not put in its only possible place....however...when it came to guessing and checking they worked faster than an F1 on speed.


Something was UP.

Lorimer decided to venture deep into the Jungle for some answers.

To gain a more ROUNDED perspective and 360 degree views of the Island, Lorimer and his guide Botak took the cable car up Gunung Machincang (708m above Sea level)


From there they could see everything and spotted the place they had been tipped off about.


When the rockface broke off in his hand Lorimer decided to take the cable car back down...that and he'd already paid for it so there was never a chance of him coming down any other way!


Estimation Fail

Armed with only a few drops of water they ventured into the jungle for a 960m (1.92km round trip) to find the information they were looking for.

If you have time, here is what they found

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8GCQ74_iXc

They journey through the jungle had some worrying signs (quite literally) as the route was broken up with distance markers letting them know how far until the destination. Lorimer through nothing much of the 5m distance marked 20m but became a little suspicious when he had covered 10m in distance which to him felt like at least 200m.

That was the least of his worries. With the inaccurate estimations continuing Lorimer and Botak were relieved to find they were only 50m from the end of the trail. Things took a turn for the worse when over 8 minutes later they still hadn't reached the top. Finally they came to a sign indicating there was 35m to go. Dehydrated, Lorimer pressed on, determined to obtain the information.

Minutes later they made it.

They were greeted with a strange sign which read (1736m). Lorimer craned his neck up to the Cable Car where he had just been. Odd. The cable car is over a kilometer below us!!!

Lorimer then realised he and his guide had been tricked. Left to die of dehydration in the Malaysian jungle.

He made the "nine hundred and sixty" meter trek back to the starting point and fortunately used his Bear Grylls survival skills to track down a source of hydration before it was too late.


The message was clear, the scandal was to remain a secret.

Andrew feared for his life and decided to blend in with tourists by visiting one of the local beaches.

He drank token drinks like. Milo-ice Bunkus. (Iced Milo in a bag)


Went to beautiful beaches


And watched beautiful sunsets go down


And recorded it all with many photos...just like a tourist would.


He even threw in a upside down Jetstar and the deception was complete.


The next day he infiltrated a school to expose the sham and teach some logic skills.


Then fled with his guide Botak to the Ferry back to the main island. It was too late. His presence had been detected and the announcement went out for his immediate arrest.


Andrew hid out at a progressive university before heading out to Kuala Lumpur on a bus under the cover of night.

The next day he was on a plane to India.

But before leaving he was given just one more reminder of the sham that had caused this whole problem...

He bought a Rubik's cube to keep in front of him the value of logic and the ability to think. This photo was allegedly taken upon completion of the cube. Media have questioned Lorimer about the possibility that this cube was purchased 'premade'. He has declined to comment or give any indication of the location of his elusive purchase.


Education

In a secret conference Lorimer voiced these comments about the state of Mathematics in Malaysia. "Looking back on my teaching, I am very glad I tried to emphasize 'how to think' rather than recite a bunch of meaningless rules. This whole experience has confirmed the fact you can have all the "tools" but still be sitting around with no idea because you don't know how to use them. I'd much rather train creative students who know 'how to think' than ones that can remember and recite things really well. Both aspects are important and I hope that's what my students have walked away with."


Sport

Briefly in sport, Andrew added to his tally of hat-tricks. This time on the Island of Langkawi where he slammed home 4 goals in a one-sided affair. Lorimer's goal-keeping abilities were not put on display, much to the delight of fans and air-conditioners.

Life on the 'run' is exceptionally difficult!



Lorimer made it safely to India to and was to be picked up secretly by an anonymous contact. Such was the secrecy that Lorimer didn't know anyone was waiting to pick him up and was stranded for a second time at the airport. This time in India...

His backup plan was an e-ticket he had booked to Calcutta city, however, not even the bus drivers knew where to catch the elusive 'sky bus'.

Stranded and stressed.

Lorimer decided to get to an internet cafe where he luckily got on to his uncle who made some calls and found the contact was indeed waiting. After a nervous wait Lorimer met his contact and for the next hour was blown away by a ride into Calcutta city which he described to tabloids as 'out of this world' and 'like walking through a world vision ad'.

This was the same place Mother Theresa spent her life serving the poor.


His lovely hosts gave him some food and turned on the set for the first T20 match of the season.


The anonymous contact, "Andrewu Akash Kullu" and his family.


The anonymity of Lorimer's contact was somehow disclosed to the authorities and he had to make a run for Delhi.

This time his contact tried a face altering technique known as "shaving", something Lorimer is un-familiar with. This bought him a little time but soon the Indian government were up in arms.


He had to leave. Surely nobody would find him in Afghanistan!


Police lured Lorimer right where they wanted him with his favorite word...FREE


The unsuspecting Aussie stumbled right into their trap but luckily they were all on a coffee break. But upon entering the country Lorimer was greeted with the unexpected word, 'deported'. His accomplice uncle Mark Timlin, was to share the same fate.


Sources confirmed three reasons for the threat of deportation

1) The above photo
2) The fact that both Lorimer and Timlins' visas weren't valid until the next day
3) Andrew's recent membership into the Tele Ban, an outspoken organization who rally against the excessive watching of TV.

Lorimer was thinking it was all a load of Kabulldust while Timlin desperately explained the situation and listed his credentials. The boss was called and then men were let into the country and quickly escorted to their compound.

The next day they celebrated their good fortune by wandering up a hill


They looked out across the whole of Kabul.


They visited HOPE projects


A school that used to have classes in the shell of a car


An orphanage


One that gives girls access to education, provides sewing classes


And cooks in massive quantities


Lorimer stated 'It was so great to see kids getting access to opportunities to learn'


Learning and earning are very closely linked and not just because they rhyme!


Back at the compound Lorimer was intent on teaching and throwing a Frisbee to any passers by. First making sure those wandering past had caught his enthusiastic eye contact and were ready for the incoming pass. The numbers grew as a couple of men got a taste for Frisbee and stopped work to enjoy the luxury of 'play', something that was so special to see in Afghanistan.

Lorimer was intent on sharing this with everyone as passers by were bombarded with Frisbee's on their way past. Most taking up the offer, others preferring to stand by and watch from a distance. Lorimer was having none of that and sent some long bombs (no pun intended) down to the security guards over 50m away. This impressed one who wandered over and was throwing with one hand while holding a Kalashnikov in the other! For the first time the game truly became ULTIMATE.

Lorimer spotted another security guard up ahead who had come over and was talking with one of the compound workers. Eager to get him involved Lorimer made the customary eye contact which he thought was returned and then made the pass. It was a great pass headed straight for the target, who in the meantime had turned away and back to the conversation apparently having not seen Lorimers gestures. The Frisbee sailed majestically through the air and hit him! Lorimer's heart froze for a second as he realized what he had just done. Seconds passed and the perfect throw didn't seem so perfect anymore. The guard just carried on like nothing had happened, a nearby Afghan HOPE worker picked the Frisbee up and the game continued...

NOTE TO SELF: Do not throw a Frisbee at a guy holding a gun.


The city truly was something else. The roads were littered with holes and the driving was insane.


Tourist info and Q&A on driving in Afghanistan

1. In most cases don't bother reaching over your shoulder for a seat belt, you'll just look foolish when there is nothing there
2. Q: Can I overtake trucks in the mountains?
A:Yes
3. Q: Can I overtake trucks in the mountains, in a bus?
A:Yes
4. Q: Can I overtake trucks in the mountains, in a bus, on a blind corner?
A:Yes
5. Q: Can I overtake trucks in the mountains, in a bus, on a blind corner, on the wrong side of the road?!
A:Yes
6. If you don't have a lane to drive in make one by beeping louder than the oncoming traffic.
7. Q: Can I cut off police vehicles?
A:Yes
8. You could lose a whole family in some of the "potholes", which would be more accurately renamed as 'black holes'
9. Q: Which way do I go around the roundabout?
A: To be honest, it doesn't really matter.
10. Q: In most circumstances beeping the horn means either 'here I am' or 'I am doing or about to do something stupid'


It had been smashed, ravaged, and destroyed with rockets, bombs and guns.


There's always a reminder of peoples lives being ruined not too far away.


Security guards everywhere, getting pulled over randomly, being frisked when you enter buildings, having the US convoy jam any mobile reception in the area, going through 5 security checkpoints and still not being inside the Airport, being asked for proof of identification...especially at night.

NOTE TO SELF: Unless you like being hassled and stressed bring your passport with you when going anywhere...especially at night!

Despite everything that has gone on in Afghanistan, the most apt word is HOPE.

This picture captures that word perfectly as it peers through the rubble of the past and out to people laughing, playing and enjoying themselves. That is my HOPE for Afghanistan and I am sure it is the hope of almost every Afghan too. The picture also reminds me of the Bible passage in Isaiah that calls Israel to be the 'Repairer of Broken Walls', and 'restorer of streets with dwellings'. Again, God seems to be about rebuilding and remaking...


The people in Afghanistan were just the most beautiful people. Such servant hearts.


Such striking eyes.


Wow their eyes, I was blown away.


Such brilliant food too.

Afghans greet you by shaking your hand and touching their heart at the same time. What an awesome way to greet someone and show them dignity and respect. I think that is a habit I need to form and bring back to Australia...right, I'm gunna do it.


While I was there people kept approaching me asking for Af's so I'd get out some scissors and start cutting my hair, then suddenly they weren't interested anymore? I don't get it?...oh the head lice, right!!

Nobody gets currency based jokes anymore!!


MISSING: Andrew's last good Frisbee

LAST SEEN: A park in Jalalabad.

CIRCUMSTANCES: The Frisbee is said to have disappeared under a crowd of boys desperate for a throw. It emerged, never to look or fly the same again. RIP my friend!

A ceremony for the late Frisbee was held at the Mosque


And the Indian government felt so sorry for me that they were willing to give me special permission back into their country.


Jalalalbad...I think that's pretty dang JalalaGOOD!



Finance News

This month has seen a number of wandering stocks, most of them originating in India. Investors are advised to STEER clear! Company, 'Hygiene' has fallen to new lows as the novel effects of bucket showers have worn off. Rival company "FestyDreads" has taken advantage of this fall and is slowly gaining control in the heads of many investors.

"Frisbee" stocks have plummeted after a group of students tampered with a contract in which the words "you want to play" were changed to "Free to good home". International Investors have been desperate to obtain Frisbee shares and have been happy to settle for cheap imitations. Some have even resorted to violet tactics to get their hands them. Financial think tanks see the irony in the word 'share'.

Frisbee stocks are predicted to continue to rise and fall over the coming months.

Company "Stomach" continues to expand by riding on the back of many recent investments in "Cheap Delicious Food". Investors are pleased at new laws endorsing the further growth of these companies such as the, "Compulsory 3rd and 4th servings act" which was passed recently in all Indian, Afghan and Nepali homes.

"GoVeg" experienced a massive decline in the Afghan markets, much to the delight of newly found STEAKholders. The company has since steadied and the CEO maintains it is still committed to it's original mission statement.


Next stop Kathmandu,
Love Andrew