B Ringgit on!

Nobody gets currency based jokes anymore!

Question. Why would you put a TOUCH SCREEN in the back of someones seat?

Tap, tap, tap, tappity, tappy, tap...

"Touch my chair again and I'll kill you!" Lucky there wasn't a kid behind me, they are annoying enough on a plane as it is.

Yes...I am a rebel

That aside I am now in Malaysia.

Before I left my Aunty and Uncle hooked me up with a guy who I added on facebook to keep in contact. I was a little wary when I saw his facebook profile read. "In an open relationship" and "Interested in both men and women". Turns out it doesn't mean what we think it does. That could have been a very interesting start to my trip!

I got the interesting start anyway. I had arranged to be picked up by this guy from Kuala Lumpur at 6:40 in the morning. I waited around at the Airport for a while trying to call this guy before giving up and catching a bus to KL central. Eventually I got onto him and found he was conveniently at work and would be there all day. He assured me we would meet at the station when he was done at 5:30! Well, 5:30 came around and I called. He was still in the office! The new meeting time was now 6:30. I waited till 7:00 and was about to give up when he finally showed up.

During the day I passed time comparing my twin towers with these. I was having an off day and my guns fell just a few stories short!

This guy didn't seem interested in having me over so I offered for him to take me to the nearby hostel I already scouted. I was a little frustrated when 30 mins drive later he went to drop me at a "cheap" hotel, 200RM (Ringgit) per night. That wasn't going to happen...

We finally understood each other and things got a whole lot better from there... Well mostly.


I stayed at his house only to find that after 25 years of assuming there will be toilet paper, there was none. I guess that is payback for the 8 months I spent flogging other people's! The lack of toilet paper has continued and I am slowly learning to deal with the fact. I still haven't mastered these so called 'squat toilets' which assume a level of flexibility I will never possess.


The national news covered will now be covering the rest of my journey.

In hygeine news

Andrew has been tricked into consecutive days of showering, and, for the first time ever is approaching a record 7 days straight. The people of Malaysia conspired against him, disguising their shower ingeniously in buckets. Follow 'Stenchtracker' to see if this lasts.

Aussie actor in Malaysia?

Word has it that famous actor Andrew Lorimer was seen at a local eatery in KL. One woman commented, "are you actor? Very beautiful, very handsome". In a bid to remain anonymous Andrew started growing facial hair and fled KL for the town of iPoh to hideout with his local contacts Salan and Nie Nee. He was also sent to resolve a lawsuit against Apple for the use of the word iPod.

This beard only took me two days to grow... actually it's been going since Movember!

Sport

Lorimer was distracted from this task by a high stakes 'International Futsal Championship'. "Things weren't looking good, when I was thrown into goals first up" he comments. Lorimer made the silly mistake of a diving save early on which was loudly applauded by the fans. All hope of a brilliant on-field display was lost. But in a tactical move for the ages, coach Salan Socceroo rotated the team. Lorimer moved forward to pile on 5 goals and never saw the goal mouth again!

Lorimer's international superstar status has been put in jeopardy as rumors circulate that he could be trading in his promising Futsal career in pursuit of Sumo Wrestling. One tabloid quotes "The food here is that good and that cheap I could sit here all day and eat. Maybe I will".

Futsal fanatics are pushing for major price increases across Malaysia. Currently a good main meal costs around $1 AUD.



Fans also have in their favour the location of Lorimer's training base, iPod, the hottest place in Malaysia, where it is consistently 35C> with around 90% humidity. Any weight gains are immediately sweated out.

Upon realising this, Lorimer sought alternative training locations.

First he tried a cave.

He did not get stuck here (the measuring portal) which disqualifies him from even the lowest weight division in Sumo, (Izuzu class)

He then attempted some altitude training in the Cameron Highlands to lower the temperature.

He could not find any food, so he trekked through the jungle and up Berinchung Peak (2031m) in search of the elusive meal.

But it was cloudy at the top so he couldn't see anything.

Finally he stumbled upon a plantation where he ate...

Tea!

During this time his hosts, watched him grow.

He grew and grew and grew

And began to dwarf even the biggest man in the land (Salan) and his giant teenage child (Abahn)

He made NieNee...look Teeny

School community in grieving after Sumocide

From this point on he was stared at by many passers by who would poke fun at him and laugh amoung their school mates. "What, haven't you seen a tall hobo with funny clothes, white skin and an afro before?" Some even made smart comments directly at him to impress their friends who all laughed and had a jolly old time. Andrew didn't understand or have a good comeback.

So he sat on them! Then ate some Mee Kung Fu, just in case the police come after him.

This is where he dumped their bodies

In education news

Mathematics standards are being raised in Malaysia and Lorimer has been required to count to 10 or face being deported.

He was then told to calculate the sum at the bottom in 30 seconds....

Have a shot at the ADVANCED one and tell me honestly how far you got. Not even my good mate Groves will get this done. Also, make sure you open the photo in a full screen so you don't have the excuse that you couldn't see it properly!!!

After failing to complete the Immigration requirements the Malaysian goverment has given Andrew until the 12th of March to leave the country. Reports are that while he is disillusioned with the bureaucracy Andrew is very grateful to his hosts Salan and NieNee and hopes that they can come to Australia some day.

Love Andrew